In case you’re wondering, I still blame myself for failed romances (which I managed to mess up in two continents.) And then, after a good pout, it doesn’t bother me so much and I go play with the dog. I am very well qualified for talking about how it feels to survive bad love affairs. So, later on, if you relapse and feel that you are doomed in your love affairs, don’t blame yourself for blaming yourself. This will make sense in time, trust me.
Can You Control Who You Fall In Love With?
I became homeless when I fell in love with a homeless man. When that ended and I needed the services of the local homeless shelter, I had pretty deep conversations with the staff there. I mentioned to my case worker that "everything was my fault because I was the one who fell in love with an alcoholic."
She jumped right on me and said, "You can’t help who you fall in love with. It’s completely out of anyone’s control. It’s like catching the flu. So there’s no point in blaming yourself. It happened. You’re better now. Move on."
Love is a pretty senseless thing at times. We are driving to find someone to love as much (or even more) than we are driven to find food and shelter. This doesn’t mean love is a bad thing. It just is — no good or bad about it. What’s good or bad is how we react to love.
Or so it seems to me.
What About Karma?
In one sense, our lives are the products of our thoughts, expectations and past actions. What goes around, comes around and all that. There are many people who believe in karma. I do, too — to a point. I don’t think falling in love with someone who later turns out to be a monster means that you deserved the treatment because of some past misdeed on your part. You saw something wonderful in someone who didn’t agree with you and treated you badly for all of your love. That’s basically all it is.
This is what I tell myself, anyway. If I didn’t, I get scared to make any kind of decision, wondering what my past karma was like. If you don’t agree with my views on karma, I’m not offended.
But do what you have to in order to get over a bad romance and find joy again in your life.
Hope this helps.
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