"The fancier the plumbing, the easier it is to stop up the drain."            —  Scotty, from Star Trek

Television remotes remind me why I spent over three years sitting in the woods.  Tying to figure out the current television remote makes me long to go back to the woods, at times.  Weren’t these things supposed to make our lives easier?  No longer did we have to get out of a chair and twist knobs and then fiddle with aerials.  Not that I was inconvenienced, but one consulted me on these things.  I hate TV remotes. 

I hate them mainly because they make me look stupid.  I managed to hook a DVD/VCR player to my Mom’s old television, but I can’t figure out how to use the remote (unfortunately, the TV will ONLY work by remote).   I have two college degrees and I can’t use the remote.  And I have to get my Mom to turn on the television whenever I want to watch something.

And now, she’s going on vacation.  How will I survive?

  Off To Remote Class

Mom has been teaching me which buttons to push in order to turn the television on.  She then has also been trying to teach me which buttons to push after the first round of button-pushing fails to work.  The first step is always to take a deep breath and believe that the television will come on.  Then I have to start pressing tiny buttons.

Yesterday, when Mom was out shopping, I eyed the remote.  I wondered and then I dared.  I picked it up and aimed it for the Zenith.

And, lo and behold, it worked.

I tried it again with Mom around as a witness and it worked.

Get A Contingency Plan

I guess I could just not watch television during the entire time Mom is away and save myself a lot of stress, but I discovered that re-runs of Star Trek are on Monday nights.  One thing I couldn’t get when sitting in the woods was Star Trek.  I could adjust to lack of indoor plumbing and lack of electricity, but lack of Star Trek really hurt.  I even read Star Trek books of episodes I had seen in my youth.  I was that desperate.  I never want to become that desperate over Star Trek again.

So, in being prepared, I can avoid a lot of stress if and when the TV remote fails to cooperate.  I’m getting a big, wooden baseball bat.  I’m going to present it to the TV.  And then I’m going to try the remote again.

If all else fails, Mom is going to be surprised with a new television when she gets back from her vacation to British Columbia.

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