One of the most liberating concepts I have ever been introduced to was the one that helped me to realize that forgiveness was one of the major keys to living a healthy and happy life.  I thought I knew what forgiveness meant.  Ater all, wasn’t it enough if I said the words "I forgive you"? And didn’t I have the right to refuse to forgive someone who  I felt had wronged me? Wasn’t forgiving such a person letting him/her off the hook? After all, my refusal to forgive was a great way to punish the offender. If all this were true, how was it that I was the one feeling the pain? Every time I saw the object of my "unforgiveness" he/she looked just fine to me; I saw no evidence of the suffering I thought my lack of forgiveness was inflicting. What was going on?     

It wasn’t until I heard this simple statement "forgiving you releases me" that I realized that unforgiveness was tantamount to drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.  In truth, a refusal to forgive and harboring anger and resentment is indeed poison - to the mind, body and affairs. Being a visual person, when I analyzed the simple statement "forgiving you releases me" I got a mental picture of a  wrestler or fighter, pinning an opponent to the mat, holding that opponent down with his body.  True, he had his opponent pinned, but as long as he does not let go, he isn’t going anywhere either. So it is with forgiveness.  If true forgiveness is to be realized, I must first let you go to free my self.  As long as I refuse to forgive, I am bound to whoever or whatever it is, thereby keeping myself attached to the pain and memories of whatever incident caused the pain in the first place. News flash: Forgiveness is for you: not the object of your unforgiveness!

So often we hear people (not any of us, of course…) say, "I’ll forgive him/her but I’ll never forget."  Is that true forgiveness? How much harm are we doing to ourselves by remembering the incident? How are we remembering? There is nothing terribly wrong with remembering; in fact if lessons can be learned from remembering, then that is wonderful.  But if in remembering we experience the same mental, emotional and physical anguish as if the incident had just happened, that is a good indication that forgiveness has not taken place. When this is my experience, I immediately get to work on myself, and through reflection, prayer, meditation and forgiveness exercises, I try to elimiante the cause of the pain.  I in no way mean to suggest that this is an easy process, but I have found in my life that it is a necessary one.  When I work to get to the root of my forgiveness issues, I notice that many of the dis-comforts that I experience - mentally, physically, financially and in realationships - disappear.  In other words, healing occurs on many levels.

Forgiveness is so much more that lip-service.  Wish it were that easy. But as difficult as it may appear, it is certainly a clear path to healing.

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