Life after serious illness…
A life threatening condition
Last summer whilst pregnant, I became desperately unwell and at 33 weeks was diagnosed with a blood clot on my lung (pulmonary embolus), being heavily pregnant at the time this shock diagnosis hit me and my family hard and for a time I feared desperately for my life and that of my unborn baby.
I was kept in hospital for a week and started on all the correct therapy but the stress and worry was unbearable. When I got home I was terrified to move as I feared this ‘ticking bomb’ inside me could go off at any time. As a nurse having worked in ER for many years I had attended many deaths as a result of these clots. Its true what they say, knowledge is a dangerous thing.
Seven days after the diagnosis of the clot I became unwell again and my blood pressure became dangerously high. As if I had not had enough bad luck I was now suffering from severe preeclamsia. A decision was made rapidly that I would need an emergency cesarean but being on blood thinning medication to dissolve the clot meant that I was also a massive surgical risk due to the potential for hemorrhage.
Hours before my cesarean I underwent a procedure to place a filter into one of the large vessels to my lungs (inferior vena cava), this was in a bid to catch any further clots that may present themselves during surgery. The procedure was uncomfortable and painful but I knew it could save mine and my baby’s lives.
Then came the cesarean itself, I could sense the anxiety and pressure of the environment around me as the staff prepared me for surgery. When we entered the O.R there were so many staff I was overwhelmed, but I guess they were all on standby in the event that things went wrong. I drifted off to sleep courtesy of a general anesthetic, the last thing I remember was my midwife kissing me on the forehead, that was something which was unbelievably reassuring and comforting as I knew she would be present throughout the surgery.
Glad to be alive
On waking for the first time I was overwhelmed with immense relief just to be alive. For a brief moment I forgot I had just given birth and it was not until my worried partner clutched my hand proudly showing a picture of my new baby that we fell apart in tears, both of relief and joy.
Baby Oliver went to NICU where he gradually recovered from his ordeal, but unfortunately for me my problems were far from over. I assumed I would recover like any mom after a cesarean, but the weight of my problems hit me and for a few days I was desperately ill, I was not even allowed to see my baby for 24 hours which was heart wrenching.
A long road to recovery
When we were all finally allowed home around 11 days after the birth the struggle continued and I found myself housebound for a few weeks as we lived in the countryside and I was not allowed to drive. I too didn’t feel up to it and was constantly tired.
Treatment for my blood clot was to take 6 months and I was only at the beginning so I had to accept that the next few months would be hard and try to stay positive.
Finally declared ‘fit’
Today I have been declared officially ‘fit’ by my specialist who has given me permission to stop all my medication and "get on with life". I must say I have mixed emotions both of excitement at my medical freedom, yet fear of not having to take a tablet that has kept me safe from further blood clots for the last 8 months. I left that hospital today as a prisoner would having been released after years of incarceration, its a strange feeling I cannot describe.
Loving life
Its strange, but when you have stared death in the face you suddenly realize that nothing is more important than life itself, and like me I have a strong urge to protect those around me from ever going through the stress and worry I have been through over the past few months.
I am so much more laid back now, I don’t take life as seriously and realize that as for any of us, very day could be my last. I am determined to stay fit and well and live to see both my boys grow up safe and well.
As for making ‘me time’ this is really important now as I live life at a totally different pace now. Aleviate stress, make time to reflect and don’t let trivial things get me down, all lessons which I have learnt and intend to live life by.
I am glad to be alive, I am so grateful that I have been given a chance to enjoy life once again, and I am damn well gonna do it!
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3 Comments
Write a Comment»It was reassuring to rwead that you were frightened to move “ticking timebomb” etc so it is normal to feel that scared. I am a 70 year old “fit” badminton playing, aerobic exerciser. can I lead a normal life again?
Thank you so much for your story. I am currently battling blood clots as well, and it was refreshing to know that someone else had the same thoughts and fears. It’s comforting.
I share your fears, in Sept 2005 I broke my ankle and leg and 3 weeks later battled for my life as well, I was not supposed to have survived the dr who had treated me hadnt had much hope since I had a double saddle embolus and the clot passed through my heart which has caused severe palpitations and thankfully no heart trouble other than the abnormal heart beat. I realize it could have been worse, however the casts to be taken off my leg due to the fact that clots were continuing to form, so I was in a wheelchair for 6 months, couldnt walk, incredibly weak due to the embolism and medication i was on for my heart palpitations as well as I am still on coumadin. I have the same fears, the drs arent taking me off this medication presently, I am overweight, only 48 years old now and have a 10 year old daughter. I fear for my life if and when I am allowed to come off this medication. I have been in and out of hospital quite a few times for bleeding issues and although none have turned out serious, still a tremendous worry. The nightmares lasted a very long time, I can relate to the feelings of frustration and anxiety as i had a young child to look after. This health scare turned my life upside down, I faced death and I wasnt ready for it, I have never been so scared in my life. My marriage is over and at this point in my life, I am attempting to be the secure confident and thinner woman that I was prior to this accident and pulmonary embolism. people who have never gone through such a life threatening incident, can never understand truly what we have gone through. We are the lucky ones, and quite frankly I am glad that i didnt know completely how close I was to losing my life. I wish all that have suffered this horrible pain of having an embolism, because honestly the pain was unbearable, feeling like I was drowning couldnt breathe its scary knowing you have no control over your life and the pain of the embolism itself felt like a bus was on top of me. sharing my short story about my life that I do not take forgranted anymore, I hope will allow others to reflect on their own lives and live a more productive happy and content existence.