"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis." — Jack Handey

Although laughter can’t cure everything, it sure can cure a bad mood by getting you to laugh and, therefore, relax.  For example, I love reading about stupid criminals.  They really are funnier than a television sit com.  (When I say "stupid", I don’t mean "mentally retarded").  If you wrote a short story about the antics stupid criminals get up to, you’d never be able to get it published because the story would be "too unbelievable".  I also can’t help but feel a little better about myself.  I’ve done some bone-headed things in my day, but at least I never did what some of these guys did (knock on wood).

Max Minnefield

Max went out with $8 burning a hole in his pocket, so he went to buy crack cocaine.  He went to a seedy part of town and — surprise, surprise — got robbed.

So, Max called the police and mentioned what he was going to use the money for.  When police showed up, they promptly arrested Max.  Max complained.

At his trial, the judge said, "You didn’t really expect the police to go after the people [the robbers]?"  And then the judge had to explain that was merely a rhetorical question.

All charges were dropped.

Philly Bank Robbers

In the mid 1990’s, (before these things were plastered all over the Internet) Philadelphia led the nation in bank robberies.  One of the theories why is that some robbers got away with it and that gave rise to "copycat criminals".  However, bank robbing is a little more difficult than you first may think, even in Philadelphia.  One man (whose name is lost to legend) walked up to the teller and handed her a note, which read:

"I have got a gun.  Give me 10.00."

That was the best deal in town for a bank teller, so she gave the man a ten dollar bill, just like he wrote on the note.  He looked back at the note and couldn’t figure out why she hadn’t given him $10,000.  I guess he skipped the day in class when decimal points and commas in numbers were taught.  By the time he’d figured out his mistake, the police had arrived and arrested him.

This follows a great stupid bank robbing tradition in Philly.  Our first robbers, Pat Lyon and Samuel Robinson, nabbed over $100,000 on September 1, 1798.  They then tried to deposit the money — in the same back that they stole it from.  I guess the first time you do anything, you’re bound to make a mistake.

There.  Your problems aren’t that bad, now, are they?

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