Dealing With Drawstrings

"People seldom notice old clothes if you wear a big smile." — Lee Mildon (No, I don’t know who he is, either.)

Anyway, I have never understood why people are so fasciated by fashion. I’m bored by fashion. When my Mom dragged me to shop for school clothes, she always had to stick a lollipop in my mouth to keep me from bursting into tears. Now, I still can’t walk into a clothing or shoe store with out being armed with hard candy. I nearly ruined what was left of my teeth when I worked at Macy’s. But I do like to wear sweatsuits and hoodies (often called bunnyhugs). They always have these things that remind me of Ventitian blinds — not the blinds themselves, but the strings. I’m talking about drawstrings. They stress me out.

What Are They Good For?

I’m sure there was some logical reason for adding drawstrings to clothes I like to wear. My Mom has patiently explained time and time again about pulling the strings tight to keep out the cold and untying them to cool off. I try to tie them, but they go all lopsided like they’re drunk and then unravel. Am I the only person with this problem?

For me, drawstrings work as pull toys for the dog…even if I’m still wearing the clothes. They like to drop into the cat’s littler box as I’m cleaning it. They love to dip themselves into my food like paintbrushes and then paint drawstring graffiti all over my clothes. Now, I have nothing against graffiti artists, as long they show some sort of creativity. But my drawstrings don’t even have interesting tags like Spaz or Gawd. Besides, I prefer looking at graffiti on other people’s walls, not on my Millersville University sweatshirt.

The Main Question

My life is stressful enough as it is, without having the drawstring graffiti bandits around my neck or my waist. I usually wind up pulling them out or cutting them off. I can’t help but feel a little self-conscious that my clothes are drawstring impaired. Not looking like others can be stressful, because you wonder if people are making fun of you.

But, if you are looking to have less stress in your life, you have to ask yourself this main question — do you want to feel good or look good? Unlike Billy Crystal’s famous character Fernado ("It is better to look good than to feel good, my dahlinks.") I opt for feeling good as a way to reduce stress.

Hope this helps.

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