Lead A Less Stressful Life By Learning How To Lie

Not everybody needs to know everything

And I don’t mean how to lie down…

If you’re serious about getting less stress out of life, do yourself a favor and learn how and when to lie. Telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth is not necessarily a virtue. In fact, it usually can get you in more trouble than if you just lied, exaggerated or omitted certain details. These times include, but are not limited to, whenever you have to respond to the following:

"And the winner is {someone other than you}."
"Is there anyone here who knows why this man and this woman should not be joined together in holy matrimony?"
"Do I look fat in this?"

Imagine the havoc wreaked on your life if you answered truthfully in these situations. Since, in these situations, no one really cares what your opinion is, just tell them what they want to hear and get on with your life.

"But, Rena, How Do I Know When To Lie?" I Hear You Mentally Cry

No need to worry. I have an answer to your mental cry. It might not necessarily be the best answer, but at least it is an answer.

Learning how and when to lie is not something you pick up overnight. It is a skill that takes time to develop and perfect. This is also something that needs regular practice in order to maintain. Unlike riding a bike, once you learn how to lie, you can easily forget it. (Come to think of it, I never have learned how to ride a bike.) As you get older, life has a way of becoming more complicated because there’s always so many more details to remember. So, if you don’t know when and how to lie in appropriate situations (which are when your lie won’t get anyone hurt or arrested), relax and start learning all over again.

When teaching a dog or a horse a new skill, there is often a time when the animal just can’t seem to figure out what he or she used to know. This often happens during housetraining a dog. They have the knack for months and then suddenly forget. If there isn’t any physical reason why the dog uses the house as a toilet, the dog is having some normal problems forgetting details. Life is filled with new deatils, remember. The way to get them going potty in the right place is to go back to basics. Re-teach them as if they were a puppy. With regular practice of the basics, then the entire skill will return.

So, pretend you have no idea about the difference between lying and the truth. You are looking at the world as if you just fell off the turnip truck. Then, whenever anyone talks to you, tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. You will not get very far in your day before you will relearn when to lie and when to tell the truth. For example, the appropriate social response to "How are you?" from a stranger or casual aquaintance is ALWAYS "Fine, thanks." It doesn’t matter if you are bleeding out of your eyes — unless a paramedic or someone who actually gives a darn about your health asks, say, "Fine, thanks." I know this doesn’t make any logical sense, but there you have it.

More Practical Advice

If you think that any kind of lie is somehow morally wrong, consider certain situations where you HAVE to lie and then be awarded for it:

Writing fiction. A writer is, in fact, telling you something that never happened in a very believable way. I wish I came up with that point, but I actually nicked it from Stephen King’s excellent book, On Writing.
Acting: Here’s another instance when you are technically making a profession from being someone you aren’t.
Playing Poker: If you can’t bluff, go home.
Being surrounded by an angry mob: I wish I was joking here. I lived in England at the time the Iraq war broke out. One day, I was surrounded by angry Celtic drunks wanting to lecture about world peace to an American. Being for the war would’ve gotten me a beating. Luckily, I wasn’t, but even if I was for the war, I would’ve lied just to get out of a beating. Your opinions mean nothing to an angry mob. Just agree with them,pat them on the back and nod a lot.

In conclusion, you can get out of a lot of stressful sitations just by approprate lies. Speaking of appropriate lies, I hope you will comment on this article if you have taken the time to read the whole thing. Stay cool, everyone.

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