"What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream?  Or, what’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the thrid row exists?"               — Woody Allen

Our species’ job is to ask questions.  "Are you going to eat that?"  "What happens if I rub these two sticks together?" "What if we were all nice to each other for a change?"  These are all questions that have benefited us is some way.  As a writer, my main job is ask questions and delivers my findings to all of you Gentle Readers.  So, in some ways, playing the "what if" game is good for you.

But then there are times you really can stress yourself out by playing the "what if" game.  "What if I had never been born?"  "What if I took another major in college?" "What if I took another job all those years ago?"  These questions about how your present and future might be different if you made different choices in your past can make you tense, sad and full of regret.  Don’t do it to yourself.  You don’t need it.

Everything In Moderation — Including Regret

Having regrets in and of themselves is not an entirely bad thing.  Regrets about choices we made in the past can help us make wiser decisions now.  But we can’t change the events of our past — just our attitudes to our past.  So why dwell on what we can’t change?  You don’t need to give yourself any more stress than you already have.

In case you are wondering what people regret the most, you’re not alone.  A 2006 study from Columbia University revealed that people (or, at least, university students) regret virtue far more than vice.  This means that chances open but not taken to have some fun were regretted far more than doing the "right" thing, such as never being late for work.

What If..? What If..?

I, too, catch myself playing the "what if" game.  When I was 29, I ran away from home in Lancaster, PA to Bath, England and stayed (mostly homeless and in and out of an abusive relationship) for the next five years.  Believe me, there are a WHOLE LOTTA regrets packed in that one sentence.  I get scared sometimes that I’ll make such a bizarre decision again.  This can surface even when I have to make minor decisions like what to have for breakfast.  ("My God, I couldn’t even figure out that running away from home was bad for me — how can I trust myself to choose between Cheerios and Shredded Wheat? Perhaps I shouldn’t eat anything!")

There are still times I cry when I remember my regrets.  My stomach tightens, my throat immediately gets sore and I even start to tremble.  Minor things can trigger my brain into playing the "what if" game — the smell of beer, the sight of a freely galloping horse — but I can more or less stop the game now.

When I start thinking, "what if –", I stop.  I actually say the word "Stop."  Some memories are hard to turn off, so I let them run rampant for about ten minutes, then that’s it.  After that, I acknowledge that I am NOT a perfect human being and that making mistakes are a normal part of life.  Then I usually have a cup of tea, but that part might not be…well…everyone’s cup of tea.  But moving around doing something (anything) can help break the train of "what if" thoughts.

Hope this helps.

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