Make it an equal partnership……
For so many years I struggled through life as a single parent, working full time as a nurse in ER. I must have survived purely on adrenaline alone as when I look back there is no way I could do now, what I did then……
Equal Roles & Responsibilities
It is my belief that a lot of it comes down to having respect for each other, and not taking your partner for granted.
We now have a second son and it is a strong wish of mine that my boys grow up with equally modern views and outlooks on how domestic life should be. So many kids grow up knowing only one thing: mom does everything at home, and dad earns the money. How old fashioned is that?
Okay for some families that is how they like it and it works. After all people are entitled to live traditional lives. But if you look deeper into it there is often resentment in those type of relationships and that really is not good for the long haul.
Domestic life doesn’t have to be rigid and planned with precision, better still a degree of flexibility is what makes it work. For those women who get up at dawn just to do chores, get the kids ready for school and then go out to work, what kind of life is that?
Personally I enjoy my kids and my role in the family. I actually love cooking, but am not so keen on the cleaning, but by getting ‘time off’ of the chores I hate doing from time to time, means that when I do have to do them it doesn’t feel half as bad!
Getting the Balance Right
I appreciate my partner, he works darn hard. Leaving the house at 5.30am Monday thru Friday I can fully appreciate this as I used to do it when I worked shifts as a nurse. I think if couples appreciate and understand what each other do day to day then they can see where the help may be needed.
I guess I am lucky. With an 8 year old and a 9 month old I am fortunate to now work from home. Both my kids are at school and creche for the best part of the day allowing me to focus on my writing, and sometimes if I need inspiration or am suffering writers block I may go and wash the car or change the bed! But if I had to work and do 100% of the chores I don’t think that with 2 kids (one of which has major health problems and can be demanding) I could physically or mentally cope.
Eventually we got into a great routine, with what are now similar views on the ‘who does what’ of daily chores agenda I never feel like I am left to do everything. My partner is a modern man who does not hesitate to pick up the vacuum or start preparing dinner when he gets in from a long and busy day at work.
Going It Alone
Being a struggling single mom kinda hardened me as a person. When people offered me help I would often turn it down as I thought I could cope, when really I couldn’t. I suppose it was my choice to be a single mom, but the joy that both my boys bring to me now is something I would have never sacrificed.
Going it alone is difficult, some moms (and indeed single dads) do it thought choice, and others have little or no influence over how their life is. For many single parents the struggle of working and being a good parent is like juggling plates, its just a mater of time before they start to crash to the floor.
My Saviour
I met my wonderful partner when my son was 5, I had to a greater degree become very selfish and indeed self sufficient in how I led my life. Meeting someone who had modern views and strong beliefs in sharing roles was a true God send.
It took me over a year to let go of responsibilities that although I struggled with them, I just got by and did them in my own way. I never realized how much I was missing out on when I was a single mom.
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