Don’t take anything they say or do personally

One of the most stressful activities you’ll ever have to do is try to help a person that is so stressed out, he or she has entered into mild shock.  The shocked victim has just gone through one of the most traumatic events of his or her life, and will temporarily become a danger to him or herself.  These people need help, and the help is actually very easy to give.  But the most important thing to keep in mind is that the victim is not having the best of times, so do not take anything they say or do personally.

I was reminded of this last week when my next door neighbor’s home was robbed at 5:30 in the morning.  The young married couple who lived there lost $350 worth of equipment.  My dog Pony and I were fast asleep and didn’t notice anything unusual.  Fortunately, another neighbor did and called police, but the thief got away with the goods.

The young husband was in shock.  He shivered, despite record heat for October in the Philly area, and raved about what he was going to do with the thief when he found them.  Two cops were with him.  The first cop scolded my neighbor about taking revenge.  The second cop said, "Just shut up, partner, and let the man talk."

Which of these police officers did the right thing?

The Second Officer, Of Course

When you go through a traumatic event, your entire world is flipped upside down, both literally and metaphorically.   You’re just tooling along comfortably through life as usual and then you get whacked over the head with The Cosmic Frying Pan.  It takes a while to heal from this trauma.  In the meantime (and it is a mean time), you will act very irrational and even self-destructive.  It does not mean you are mentally ill.  It just means you are in shock.

Symptoms of what I call "survivor’s shock" vary, including shivering, teeth chattering, immobility, unresponsiveness even though the eyes are wide open, incessant screaming, shouting or swearing or eerie silence.  In this sort of shock, the body’s core temperature often drops very suddenly.  The very odd and visually frightening behavior any someone in shock does is like pus draining from a wound.  It needs to come out, or the person will get very sick indeed.

What NOT To Do

• Don’t tell the victim to "snap out of it" or to "shut up". Not unless you want a punch in the mouth, of course.
• Don’t tell the victim that he or she is lucky it wasn’t worse.  They hate that.
• Don’t try to win the battle for pity among any onlookers by telling about your hard luck stories.  They are not appreciated.  For example, I could’ve told my neighbor that when I had my home burnt down back in England was a far worse experience than some little old robbery.  I didn’t.
• Don’t give any lectures on how the victim could’ve avoided the traumatic situation.  That’s insult to injury and you deserve a punch in the mouth for that.
• Don’t expect to be thanked or even acknowledged.  The victim might be in such shock that they cannot register who is about them, let alone what social customs to keep.

What To Do

• Let the victim babble, rant, scream, cry or rock in place. 
• Get a blanket if the person is shivering, even if it’s August.
• If the person is conscious and not having seizure-like shivers, make a cup of sweet, hot tea (does not matter what flavor).  Tea is better to give than coffee, alcohol or cocoa, because the latter three drinks are all dehydrating.  The person can’t risk the disorientation that comes with dehydration. If you have nothing except coffee, well, it’s better than nothing.  Drinking a hot beverage can trigger calming associations in a person’s body, as well as give them the calories and warmth they need at this time.
• When the victim is mostly still, call 911 or a number the victim requests, depending on the situation.
• If you can, get the victim some fresh air and wait with them until emergency personnel or whoever arrives to take over.

In Conclusion

 It can be very upsetting to tend to a victim of survivor’s shock.  You might need some help when it is all over.  Don’t think too much about what you are doing when helping a victim – just get them help as quickly and gently as possible.  Don’t keep going over the scene in your mind.  Do whatever you can to relax. Congratulate yourself for helping someone in need.  Not only is that something we all should do, anyway, it can actually de-stress you knowing that you made a difference

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